#49. Consent and Responsibility

This Conversation Will Help You…

1. Know that the person initiating is responsible for getting consent
2. Take personal responsibility for making sure their partner is consenting
3. Understand that sexual contact without consent is considered sexual assault

Think About This First

• Increased understanding about how consent works, and that a lack of consent can be considered rape or sexual assault, may bring about intense feelings about past sexual experiences, and a re-framing of those experiences. It is encouraged to have the phone number for KCSARC's 24-hour resource line available in case you need more support after having this conversation. That number is 1-888-99-VOICE.

Resource

Talking about consent can be difficult since we live in a society that does not embrace conversation about healthy relationships and the healthy practices that cultivate them.  Here are a few resources that address the points that are good to address when we discussing what consent looks like for you:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/what-consent/

http://everydayfeminism.com/2012/12/want-the-best-sex-of-your-life-just-ask/

http://www.consentissexy.net/consent

Having the Conversation

Start here:

If someone wanted to hug someone or kiss someone, there would need to be consent - so who is responsible for asking for consent? The person who is initiating is the one who needs to ask for consent.  

Continue:

How do you know if someone is consenting?

What kind of things will you notice in their answer?

What makes it clear?

What is sometimes not clear?

How can you clarify?

If you aren't clear and are misunderstanding someone’s consent, what could that mean?

What are some ideas you have for making sure that you are on the same page as you partner?

Keep Talking:  

If you have sexual contact with someone and there isn’t consent, what does that mean?

It means that the act could be considered rape. Does knowing this change the importance of consent to you? Why or why not?  (Please note that this could lead to revelations about past experiences, which could be shocking and unexpected. If you find yourself or the person you are talking to needing more support, please call the KCSARC resource line at 1-888-99-VOICE)